That’s right Hans Grüber, you do. Alan Rickman’s Die Hard character of the same name -

… who just happens to be one of the most awesome villains in Hollywood cinema history. And I think that this fact is finally confirmed with this little bit of hipster homage in the inner suburbs of Melbourne. And, if i can continue the wordplay this (die) hard to find coffee haunt is a neat little addition to my neck of ze woods.

Located up a cobblestone path between two nondescript brick buildings at 179-181-ish Hawke St, West Melbourne (between Spencer St and the railway yards) you’ll find a single door fronting a design space warehouse with a small table and some leaning space to sip your coffee in quiet contemplation. There’s a big old kitchen beyond the barista and at the moment it (seems to be) cranking muffins and biscuits to complement the Supreme beans on offer. Understandably, given the dearth of foot traffic and the size it’s only open on weekdays from 7-1:30 and weekends 10:30 to 3 or so and I think they’ll do nicely. Oh and I almost forgot, the coffee (espresso style) is legitimately good too. As one would expect from such timing and delivery as the most stylish villain of them all, Herr Hans Gruber.

Check ‘em out here:

The fit out is highly eclectic and kinda looks like the a late 90′s trendy cafe similar to Feedback Cafe in Yarraville or Scuttlebutt in Williamstown in days of yore. Assorted tables and seats, posters and benches with a sort of lost and found meets Ikea look that I really dig and which feels warm and genuine in comparison to the clean, straight lines that dominate the ‘third wave’ joints around town.

Lovely, smooth and consistent Coffee by Supreme, enormous Muffins for those that indulge, a nice hearty mix of lunches and if you’re feeling really special…yep, Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream in its very own mini fridge.

If you work in the north-westish end of city, it is definitely worth the effort to visit Romulus at lunch time and if you don’t work there, well shit, take the day off work! They do breaky too. Grab a pew in the new courtyard and thank me later.

“I’ve had bedroom naked, I’ve had walk-to-the-bathroom naked… I have never had living-room naked.“

– George Costanza, 1997

And, well, until now unless you’ve risked third degree burns to your most sensitive assets, you’ve probably never had awesome-cafe-naked, either.

When the lovely folks at Elevenses moved away from the Moscow end of Melbourne’s CBD it was a sad day at CaffeineCity HQ. I mean, sure I only had to walk to Kinfolk for a decent cup whenever I was around that way but this is Melbourne, damn it, I need – nay – expect to be within earshot and crawling distance of a decent espresso or single origin pour over at all times. So, as disappointing as that departure was, it has been more than made up for by the revealing of their newest and nude-est venture Naked Espresso Bar on Little Bourke St between Elizabeth and Queen (yes, right near BBB).

It’s a teeny-tiny place but there is room to sit. It’s not really a restaurant but their food is top-notch (try the baked eggs or the Rooben Bagel). And, they’re not really naked but there is a certain stripped-back simplicity that works here. Beans courtesy of Toby’s Estate and others on spec are beautifully prepared (all methods available) and served with sparkling water to refresh ye palate.

The proprietors, Tom and Shanny, went out of their way to make customers feel welcome which counts for a lot – especially with the preponderance of seemingly disinterested cafe staff around Melbourne of late. I tend to agree with Diane at Meld Melbourne who said she felt like she was at a mate’s place rather than a cafe. Although, my mates don’t offer me free coffee when I roll up pantsless on a Monday morning.

There have been occasions where I’ve regretted getting Naked, but this ain’t one of ‘em.

The Coffee, beans by Sensory Lab, is consistently good without much fuss and the food is generous and fresh. My hot tip is the vegetable and chorizo salad, spicy, starchy, greenie, sausagey business. Get there after 1:20 and you’ll miss it. Step up to the Tuck Shop and enjoy your play lunch.

The guys behind Mister Close, located in the Midtown Plaza which fronts Bourke and Swanston are not new faces to the Melbourne cafe scene indeed they only just sold up Arcadia in Fitzroy but Mister Close is a whole new venture which has its own challenges and opportunities.

I managed to scurry in this week on my oh-so-short lunch break and the joint was packed. I had to wait for a few minutes to snag a seat up the back near a row of carefully preserved National Geographics. Perched as I was on a triangular row seat and pressed for time I was stoked when my Italian Meatballs on a huge bed of creamy mash promptly arrived alongside a deep caramello, buttery long macchiato courtesy of Campos Coffee.

The geometric interior with a geographical theme has won acclaim from design buffs, the food is big and tasty and the coffee equally good (and as of this week they’re using Jonesey’s Milk). Perhaps the best part is that you can sit and scoff at the knuckleheads drinking Starbucks when they could be sippin’ Campos. Suckers. I’ll be back for a another geography lesson as soon as I escape the office, you can count on that, Mister Close.

Known as The Pint of Milk and run by the same folk behind the popular Pickle Barrel deli and café in Williamstown is a recently converted Milk Bar which used to sell fishing licences, Big Ms, lolly bags and Bait from a smokey, drab old shopfront. The conversion from Milk Bar to The Pint of Milk is nothing short of stunning. It is set up in a manner similar to many café’s in Melbourne with high ceilings, a good use of natural light, exposed timber and brick and an arrangement of bars, banquettes and smaller tables. There is a definite air of salvage chic in the interior design which is set off against the big, shiny, three group Synesso that commands watch over the floor and the freshly minted semi-exposed kitchen buzzing away behind the counter. Being located in a bike riding corridor they have taken a leaf out of Seven Seeds’ bike hooks with some outdoor hooks on which to hang your steely steed should that be your chosen means of transport.

Whatever your taste in food you’ll be well catered for and the Five Senses coffee was, as it always is, stunning and well prepared. Long chocloatey and berry notes coalesce with Jonesy’s Milk to make this blend appealing to both true coffee pundits and casual fans. The staff, despite being run off their feet, were super friendly and took the time of day to welcome people to the new digs.

I’ve got some pics to come shortly, but seriously there is now a new cafe to add to your weekend cycle around the bay so check it out yerself.

Like the Cornershop there has been great attention to detail taken here to create just the right vibe. The stark white tiled bar is adorned with a wicked looking Racing Green 3 group Synesso and a Mazzer grinding out Supreme Coffee by the fluid ounce full.

The orientation of the cafe draws your eye out to an enclosed and communal table in the Wee backyard which itself leads into Williamstown bound platform of the Yarraville train station and out to the space behind the Sun Theatre. Granted, I sat there on one of Melbourne’s most glorious Saturday afternoons staring out to space but this was a truly comfortable place to while away a couple of hours in comfort and style which I suspect will hold true in any weather.

Perhaps expectedly the coffee (long mach of course) itself was delightful. A very chocolately/ toffee note to it and expertly textured to boot. A follow up shorty was less chocolate and more plum/berry, certainly more tart. Interesting the role that even a small amount of milk can bring to the interaction of flavours. Par for the course for serious coffee snobs, though.

For foodies, there’s a smallish menu befitting the smallish prep area/kitchen that they have to work with, sangers, salads, filo pastry foldy things and normal breaky fare. One senses though that Wee Jeanie – which was originally slated as a name for a new venture in Williamstown- mainly about the coffee while Cornershop can straddle that cafe/resto divide especially now that it has a night service and the Williamstown shop will be a higher end restaurant venture.

Wee Jeanie could not be easier to get to by car, bike or train but if you aren’t familiar with the area just bang on a train to Yarraville station and it is literally the first thing you’ll see as you exit the station.

#nb – photo’s coming soon, I promise.

My double espresso came with a golden, viscous crema and was to my senses slightly chocolatey from nose to finish and lingered on the tongue for a good half hour afterwards but with little acidity. I’m not sure of the blend they use but it tasted very similar to Basement, Nosh @ Newport and Le Chien which all use Supreme. Whatever blend it is, it’s bonza!

The space is limited so be prepared to pull up a pew at the inside bar or cross-hatch your bum with milk-crate tattoos outside on the pavement. You get the feeling that this is really a constant work in progress and that the owners have more planned than being just a sandwich and coffee joint. The staff were sunny and seemed genuinely happy to be serving us which always makes for a favourable impression. Mores the benefit for West Melbourne locals who no longer have to tramp to Erroll St in order to get a decent coffee in a sweet, laid-back atmosphere.

Open Monday-Friday.

Stay tuned, stay wired.

The folk at Auction Rooms are on a summer holiday and seem to be renovating the place so in the meantime they are operating a skeleton operation out of their roastery/warehouse a few doors down. Roller door, milk crates, side-swept fringes, actual warehouse chic and a limited food menu (limited as in just a few pastries). They are running the Candyman and when I was in they had the Ethiopian Sidamo SO on Pour Over. The relaxed vibe and the ramshackle setup truly is a little bit like a hot summer’s day at Nan’s. But instead of sunburn and Creamy Soda you’ll get sunburn and the delicate sweet kiss of smallbatch espresso.

No idea if they’ll keep it open when the main shop is back open (Jan 17) but considering how popular Auction Rooms is now they could do worse than leave it open in busy periods as the takeaway section… just sayin.

Happy New Year folks.